Archive for the Random Category

Time is Merciless

Posted in Random on June 11, 2013 by filmplanetasylum


My last entry was in March of 2011. It’s been more than two years since I’ve touched this and I can honestly say I’m a completely different person. So many things have happened since then that it would be wasteful to recount it all here since the time and energy would be better spent on more productive measures.

Long story short: Got dumped, moved to a new city, started college, got a job, got laid, quit my job, made some movies, made some friends, pissed people off, got laid, grew as a person. Well, I’m not sure about that last part, but I might as well run with it or the second sentence of the first paragraph will have been for shits and giggles.

At the very least, I’ve become a much more capable writer. Nolan knows everything prior to this post comes off like a script written by an eight year old..

..heeeyyy weight a minute. That don’t make sense…

..for what its worth..

I’m back, bitches!

The 83rd Annual Academy Awards (2011)

Posted in Random with tags , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2011 by filmplanetasylum


Roger Ebert has called this year’s annual Academy Awards ceremony “The worst Oscarcast I’ve seen”. And he’s absolutely right. This year’s Oscars were boring. Boring as a banana with no personality. You could also use those words to describe James Franco. Well, I’ll give him a little credit. He really likes doing things! Among the ruthlessly inadequate crimes committed this year, Christopher Nolan was snubbed for a Best Director nominee, first of all.

Second, Billy Crystal was on stage for only 5 minutes or something, yet he was still more entertaining than the entire 3 hours of Anne Hathaway and James Franco. Why were these two non-jokers chosen to be hosts? What were their qualifications? I think after reaching a milestone last year with electing Kathryn Bigelow with the honor of being the first Female Best Director, they wanted to do it AGAIN two years in a row by having one of the hosts also be a nominee for the first time. Yeah. That’s the logic of the Academy. Do things just because. First times are everything. JUST because.

The good news? Natalie Portman won best Actress. Inception won Best Cinematography, Best Visual Effects, and Best Sound. What’s the difference between Sound Mixing and Sound Editing? Well, mixing involves stirring the batter. And Editing involves putting sprinkles on it. That’s the basic gist of it. Learn it and love it. Otherwise, King’s Speech swabbed the decks. or Sweeped the trash. Or Bedazzled the Bejesus out of whatever kind of phrase you’d like to use to describe the act of winning the most important awards. Now, I’ve never seen King’s Speech, so I won’t pass too much judgment on it. Is it a good movie? Maybe so. Is it a painfully average good movie? That’s what it looks like… You know, the same kind of calculated, hyper dramatic drama picked from the same tree that grew The English Patient, or Shakespeare in Love, or Crash…

Which brings me to the best part of the show. Steven Spielberg. He was to announce the Best Picture winner, and he came out funnily enough to the Jurassic Park theme and gave a nice, subtle little troll to the academy, which basically amounted to saying that the greatest movies of all time almost never win best picture. It was essentially a reminder that these awards mean almost nothing and that only time will judge how great and amazing a film truly is. The golden statues will merely become a footnote in the details.

Other dumb things: Autotune. It’s awkwardly ironic that they are autotuning Justin Timberlake, but they’re also doing it to the most unfunny parody video of all time, furthering the intensity of the awkwardness. Want to know what the expression of my parent’s faces were when they sat on the couch and watched that bullshit? It was something like this: :| True story bro.

What else? Anne Hathaway tries to be funny and sings. Speaking of singing, the show ended with an army of little kids singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow. The “Wizard of Oz” song. I mean, I guess that will look good on their resumes when they turn 16 and enter the labor force, right? But, W.T.F.? Is this more of the attempt to make the Oscars more youthful, along with assigning Anne & James to stink up the joint with their youthful non-personalities? A lot of dumb decisions were made this year, and I’m not sure who to blame. Can anybody be blamed for this?

Yes. His name his George Lucas, he loves little kids, and he’s a dick. Do me a favor and go throw some tomatoes into his face.

Oh, and how about that Kirk Douglas? If only he hosted the whole thing. It would have been the most entertaining show of all time. MAYBE NEXT YEAR! KEEP ON TRUCKING KIRK!

Hello World!

Posted in Random on September 23, 2010 by filmplanetasylum

This is place where I can review and talk about movies from the confines of my cell. I hope you enjoy the works as much as I do ripping them apart!