The Social Network (2010)

The Social Network film poster

The next most popular image to photoshop.

The Social Network fills me with awe. It highlights some of the worst qualities of our generation and paints a pathetic portrait of just how morally bankrupt and disconnected we’ve all become, ironically enough because of how connected we’ve truly become. This film is a warning. It does not glamorize the assholes who made Facebook, but instead tells us to take a step back, to look at how socially isolated we’ve gotten and to take immediate action to reverse the problem. In effect, this movie tells you to delete Facebook, lest you become a supporter of the new fascist digital democracy.

Directed by Fight Club auteur David Fincher, with a technically competent screenplay by screen writer Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network is a painfully hilarious reminder of how easily the Internet turns us into uncivilized, flesh eating zombies, tearing out the hearts of the living and feasting on their brains. This is the story of how much we suck. In effect, it’s a spiritual sequel to the Fight Club, also a pseudo satire thriller deconstructing the social constructs of the era in which it was conceived. I can see the similarities, and it’s a fair assessment to make.

So the written for Hollywood version goes, Mark Zuckerberg, played by former Zombie slayer Jesse Eisenberg, was a really huge faggot in college, and after breaking up with his average looking girlfriend for no real good reason other than he talks too much, posts a series of angry blog posts about her on his LiveJournal. That’s right. Instead of talking about it face to face like human begins, he (and we) hide behind the glowing screen of a computer monitor and take jabs from the safety of distance. Human decency, respect, and compassion are no longer relevant or required. This is what this represents, and it’s a sobering representation of all of us, at one point or another.

Then, getting even more drunk, he hacks into the Harvard servers and steals pictures of all the girls around campus, and sticks them all onto a HotorNot rip off site where they are all judged by their aesthetics. He’s caught by the school and placed on academic probation, while Zuckerberg carefully explains that he is smarter than all of them. This is what the Internet really does to people, and this is what Zuckerberg promotes to the entire world.

Hearing about this little stunt, some row boating jocks hire him to build a website for them. They give him the idea for Facebook, and he runs off and does it all by himself, making everybody else hate him, except for Justin Timberlake, playing the role of that one guy who created Napster and single handily brought upon the impending destruction of the music industry. Speaking of music, the score is masterfully composed by industrial sex pot Trent Reznor. What better soundtrack to the angst of the Y generation than the electronic tidal waves of Nine Inch Nails? Easily one of the highlights of this picture.

Many critics have compared it to the Godfather, or Citizen Kane. There might be some vague sense of logic to that, because you see, Mark Zuckerberg does act like the Godfather, the only difference is that he didn’t shoot somebody in the face with a handgun. No, there is no bloodshed or violence, but I expected there to be. I would have thought at least a fist fight or two would have erupted out all of the backstabbing, cantankerous caveman grunting. Also, he is the god father because he makes you an offer you can’t refuse. Drink alcohol while you program, and you have a job.

To highlight the other example, Zuckerberg is like Charles Foster Kane in the sense that he’s filthy rich and he’ll die alone. Is there any other course his life could take? Not likely. That’s the point. As a great ancient sage once said, The loneliest person in the world is the guy who has 500 million friends. I think Confucius said that though I can’t be sure. What else can we learn from this modern tale of douchebaggery gone wrong and rich? Mark Zuckerberg likes getting blowjobs from attractive Asian girls. Typical nerd stereotype. Would anybody have expected any less?

Mark Zuckerberg

Zuckerberg after getting an Asian Blowjob.

Everybody thinks this is gonna win the Oscar for best picture. I would say it deserves it, but the year isn’t over yet, so perhaps something else will come along to blow it out of the water. My personal choice for Best Picture is Inception, but hey, that’s just wishful thinking on my part. Place your bets people! It’s interesting to see how relevant this film will be in 5 years, that’s the real test of the medium’s magic. When it’s all digested by dollar theaters, HBO, On Demand, Netflix, Redbox, and eventually Cable TV. Will it be as astonishing then? Who cares? By then the world will be devastated by nuclear war, and then we’ll have bigger problems to worry about.

Well I think that’s about it. It does what it needed to do and everybody was satisfied. We needed one of these sooner or later. One of those generation defining films, which paints us in the light we sort of knew in the back of our minds we realized we already were, and then framing our wonderfully degenerate image on the wall of the auditorium, for the whole world and all of time to admire, mock, criticize and satirize when the time comes.

I recommend this movie to anybody who uses the Internet. A well crafted, well lubricated, and well developed tale of the times we are living in, created by older, more decent folks who look at our Under 30 age group and say “what the fuck is wrong with you people?” The answer is, even we don’t know, and that is at the heart of the Social Network. May the future forgive us as we Asian blow job our way into the next decade. We all aren’t a bunch of assholes, we just try really hard to be.

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