Archive for September, 2010

Sunrise (1927)

Posted in Movie Reviews with tags , , , , , , on September 30, 2010 by filmplanetasylum

 

Sunrise A song of two humans

Shit is OLD.

 

Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans, directed by the original gangsta F.W. Murnau, is a silent film about some country shmuck who cheats on his wife with a bitch city girl. You can tell she is a bitch city girl because she is dressed in shiny velvety leather and she smokes cigarettes. Bitches like to smoke, I can tell you that from experience. Many people would find this kind of film boring and dumb, but I find it fascinating as a history lesson. This kind of shit was James Cameron’s Titanic back in 1927.

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Jack (1996)

Posted in Movie Reviews with tags , , , , on September 23, 2010 by filmplanetasylum

 

Robin Williams as Jack

What a creeper.

 

Jack: Ass. No, not Jackass. I am implying that the movie, Jack, starring Robin Williams, is ass. Where shall I begin? Wait, I’ve already begun. Everybody in this movie is an asshole. Mrs. Doubtfire plays the role of a literal man child, a 10 year old kid with a genetic dysfunction that causes him to have super rapid cell growth, and thus, although he is 10 years old on the inside, on the outside he bares the body of a hairy 40 year old man. In effect, Robin Williams is playing himself.

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Jurassic Park 3 (2001)

Posted in Movie Reviews with tags , , , , , , , on September 23, 2010 by filmplanetasylum

 

Jurassic Park 3 logo

Pathetic.

 

Jurassic Park 3 is like if the word boring were a dinosaur. An anti-clever piece of wasted film stock un-carefully crafted to rip off all of the material from the previous two movies and stuck together with duct tape. An example of a thing it ripped off: little kids. I hate little kids in movies. Little kids who routinely survive dangerous and deadly environments that easily kill grown men with years of experience and training. This happened in the first Jurassic Park. I liked it much better when it was done first in a much better movie.

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Hello World!

Posted in Random on September 23, 2010 by filmplanetasylum

This is place where I can review and talk about movies from the confines of my cell. I hope you enjoy the works as much as I do ripping them apart!